Hormonal Activity
by Manflesh
Summary: Basically, what would happen if France found a way to rule the world. We'd all be doomed. HetaliaxBoku no Pico. No pairings or shota, but you might still get freaked out. USUK if you see it that way.


A/N: So…me and my sister watched Boku no Pico before going to bed and she had a really messed up dream so I decided to make a story out of it. Hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia or Boku no Piko.

Rated: T…or maybe it should be M? I don't know…

Warning: Sad attempts at crack and humor. Adult themes. Don't worry…there's no shota in this.

**x-X-x**

It was a rather normal day at the United Nations. The meeting was going as it usually went. France and England were arguing about something nobody else cared about. America was too busy shoveling hamburgers into his mouth at a terrifying rate to stop them. China was shooting nervous glances at the Russian beside him, who for some reason was sending out a rather demonic aura. Germany was at his wits end. He'd been right in the middle of his speech trying to find some kind of solution to global warming when the fight had broken out. England had called France a pansy or something like that and they ended up in a brawl.

"Vee~" Italy looked up from his report, which he'd ruined by drawing on it. "Germany, when can we eat? Dinner's got to be next. Do you know how to make pasta? I hope you know how to make pasta! If you don't I can show you. Do you have any garlic?"(1)

The German snapped and slammed his head down on the table, about to yell at everyone when France beat him to it. "Alright, you uptight gentleman wannabe! I will show you who is the strongest. Just you wait! I 'av a secret weapon zat will defeat all of you!" With that said he flipped his hair a couple of time before running out of the room.

"Bloody wanker!" England crossed his arms and pulled America up out of his seat. "I need you to stop trying to choke yourself for a bit and come with me. I don't want the frog getting into too much trouble."

America swallowed down and mouthful of burger and laughed. "England I think you're getting too stressed out. You're eyebrows are shedding!"

England clapped and hand over his massive brows and walked faster. "Shut it! Just help me find France before he f*cks something up!"

Germany looked out the window to see England and America running down the street looking for the missing nation. "I've got a feeling…" He mumbled. "That somesing bad if about to happen…"

**x-X-x**

"Ohonhonhon~" France laughed creepily to himself as he drove out to an empty field. His passenger looked up at him quietly, a slightly puzzled look on his face. The boy was called Chico. He had big green eyes and blond hair he let hang just past his chin. Despite his innocent demeanor, he was far more perverted and experienced than France. "No one will be able to resist you. I will finally have power over all ze other countries. I'll never be called a pansy ever again!"

When they'd gotten pretty fat out into the country he stopped the car and got out, tossing Pico into a net and hanging it from a freakishly tall tree. "Ano, mister? If it not too much trouble, could you let me out soon? It not like I've got nothing or no one to do but swing from a tree all day…"

"Not to worry. I will let you out as soon as your job is done. Not just sit there and be a good boy for me okay?" France checked his watch and looked up to see England and America in the distance, accompanied by two small armies.

"What the f*ck has he done this time?" England rubbed at his eyebrows in annoyance, sending a few hairs fluttering away in the breeze. "Kidnapping an innocent child? That sh*tty frog has taken things too far this time! Alright, men! Charge!" A few or the soldiers from England's side charged toward the tree while France made a quick getaway. The men gathered around the tree preparing to climb it when something strange happened. Pico smiled down at them and giggled.

England had pulled out a small hand mirror and was inspecting his eyebrows when he felt a tap on his shoulder. "Wadd'ya want? Dammit can't you see that I'm busy?"

"But your soldiers are getting nekkid and I think they're starting to hump each other."

England gasped and whipped out his phone. "I knew I shouldn't have sent the f*cking Welshmen in first! Hello? This is the motherland speaking. Send in reinforcements now!"

While England was busy shouting at whoever was on the line America decided to send his soldiers in. They all charged and gathered around the tree, only to face the same fate as the ones before them. England turned his attention back to the soldiers. "Whaaa? America, what the f*ck is going on?"

America dropped his half eaten hamburger and stared with wide eyes. "Why're they having an orgy? I think that kid's sending out some kind of freaky hormone! What should we do, England?"

"Ah, sh*t. I guess we retreat for now." Just as he said that his reinforcements arrived and charged into the crowd. "Call the other countries and tell them we've got an emergency on our hands! This weapon has brought every other soldier to his knees!"

"And all the rest have fallen!" America pulled out his cell phone but didn't have time to dial before England started pulling on his sleeve.

"I think the bloody pheromones are spreading! We have to get out of here!" Sure enough, the crowd of writhing soldiers was closing in on them fast.

"But my men!" America protested.

"We can only save the ones not affected yet!" England looked behind him at the soldiers who'd collapsed and raised his now non-existent eyebrows. "I can't tell if they're dead or sleeping! They looked happy though…" The two countries gathered as many soldiers as they can and ran off into the distance. They made it to a hill overlooking the strange scene and hid behind some bushes.

As the sun started to set, the crowd of men finally started to quiet down. Pico was lounging in his net and looking rather bored when France finally showed up. "Ohonhonhon~ looks like my weapon is even more powerful than I expected! Now I dare anyone to call me a pansy again~"

He climbed up the pile of men, who were now arranged like a human pyramid, in order to reach the net. After slipping a few times on some questionable fluids he finally reached the top and freed the boy before running off into the sunset, laughing all the way.

America and England were stayed in the bushes for a few days for fear of being affected by any left over hormones. "F*cking frog had to go and make my day all sh*tty just because of a little name calling! And why the bloody heel was that kid even doing in America? Isn't he Japanese? Now France has an ultimate weapon and we can't even get near him or else."

America giggled. "You said 'in America'."

England slapped his forehead as the rest of his hair started to fall out. "F*ck my life!"

**x-X-x**

A/N: And that's why you don't watch Boku no Pico before bed. Seriously, don't do it.

(1) Yeah that quotes taken straight from the anime. I just think that scene is hilarious.


End file.
